People are willing to get rid of negative reactions and thoughts, evil feelings and intentions, and bad moods; they don’t like the consequences of all that is evil. But you don’t understand that all these bad feelings and emotions share a common root with positive feelings and emotions. It’s the same tree! By receiving the Holy Spirit from God and rejecting—or rather, stepping over—the feelings that arise in His presence, I receive something even more beautiful and pure. By the way, you only need to do this once, and then you’ll understand what I’m talking about! After that, it becomes natural! As it says in the parables, it becomes easy to discern where the big fish is, to keep only it and discard everything inferior. Or where it says that, having found a buried treasure, a person sold everything to buy that field and possess it. Or like the merchant trading pearls who found the most valuable one, sold everything, and bought it, the greatest one. That’s the whole point. You’ll only understand this when you encounter that treasure! Pay attention! In the parables, this treasure isn’t among garbage or rot but among other fish and other pearls. That is, we have something that seems valuable to us until we taste the Holy Spirit! Not our feelings that arise in His presence, which are pleasant, yes, but God Himself is the treasure! His Spirit is the narrow gate to Him.
It’s hard for me to explain what it’s like to see and accept the world through God’s Spirit, especially when it comes to relationships with other people who are on the same wavelength. I haven’t experienced this, so I don’t even know what will replace feelings and emotions. But I have experienced something very sublime and pure when I looked at a green leaf on a branch. When I look at the world through God’s Spirit, using it, I already have joy in my heart, but it’s not at all like the joy dogs feel when meeting their owner! It’s a quiet and calm joy. And in this Spirit, even a green leaf appears very beautiful and profound.The revelation of this principle of communion with God came very unexpectedly. I have a musical ear and can respond deeply to music. Once, a pleasant piece of music started playing on the radio—it was a classical composition. At that time, I was in a deep search for God; I had lost my former bearings and was seeking a true and unshakable source. Hearing the first notes and recognizing the piece, I began to feel delight. It was pure and pleasant, and I immediately got goosebumps. Instantly, a thought came to my mind: how much more valuable is God to me than this music and these sensations? Am I ready to give this up for Him? Is my heart capable of valuing Him above this music? Then I sort of stepped over my pleasant feelings and, in prayer, sought God. Silently, without words, I conveyed my thoughts to Him with my heart, and I found Him. He truly is more valuable and pleasant than those pleasant goosebumps. But I didn’t feel Him with feelings! I had stepped over them! This was a very important discovery.
Similarly, before this, I had been thinking about prayers. I noticed that after praying, for example, before a meal, something felt wrong. After saying 'amen,' it feels like you’re closing the door on God and leaving Him somewhere out there, beyond your life. Sometimes, I managed to go deep into prayer, and it felt like I had left this world, gone deep into a basement or cellar. I talked to God, repented, maybe even cried, felt His love, and, satisfied, climbed back out into the world, but it was as if God stayed there, in the cellar. I realized that people keep God in a hidden room—some in a church building—but in their lives, He’s absent. So, I decided to bring God out into the world after deep prayer and continue maintaining a connection with Him. I understood that the word 'amen' in this case was unnecessary; I wasn’t stopping the prayer. But then a problem arose: I couldn’t constantly talk to Him, even silently. That’s when I realized I needed to learn to pray without words or thoughts, but with my heart. In this way, I convey my intentions, my uncertainties, my confessions, my hopes, and my weaknesses simply by being aware of them. To do this, you need to open up to Him 100% and trust Him. Naturally, I also learned to listen to Him. He doesn’t speak in words either; He gives entire understandings and realizations. In this way, I deepened my relationship with Him, and naturally, I’m not interested in any intermediaries—neither books nor people. There’s nothing more valuable than what you can receive directly from Him.